Take notes

29 things I’ve learned in 40 years of work and life.

Memory fades. Notes don’t. If I could offer you only one habit to carry through your work and your life, it would be this: Take notes. Write it down. Don’t rely on your memory. Ink (physical or digital) remembers what your mind won’t, and the rest of what I’m about to share has no basis more reliable than four decades of paying attention.

…which brings me to pay attention. Most of what matters is subtle. The tone someone uses. The thing they didn’t say. The moment you felt yourself shrink a little and didn’t know why. Life leaves clues everywhere, but only if you’re looking.

I’ve tried to outwork broken processes and broken patterns, both at work and at home. All it ever gave me was exhaustion. Fix the foundation first. It’s always the foundation.

Ask questions. Curiosity ages better than confidence. Confidence gets brittle. Curiosity stays flexible.

Recognize and understand that most avoidance is masked fear. I used to think people avoided work. Over time, I realized they were avoiding the conversations about or around the work. The ones that felt risky or revealing. The same thing happens in families.

Rest. You’re not a machine, even if the world treats you like one. Rest before you need it. Rest before you earn it. Rest because you’re human.

Pretending to be fine is heavier than any job description. Drop the performance before it drops you. I’ve seen people burn out from pretending, as often as from overworking. Stop pretending.

Take your time off, PTO, vacation days, whatever you call them. Use them, don’t save them.

I spent years thinking that the terms “introvert” and “extrovert” described how people act. It took me a long time to realize it actually describes how people recharge or recover. I recharge alone, with quiet and a book. Others recharge in the noise and motion of people. Know your “vert”. Know how you refill your tank, and honor it. My wife and I are polar opposites. She recharges in crowds; I recharge alone.

Say no. Your life will expand around the boundaries you set. And if you don’t set them, someone else will.

Ask the question. That burning one you feel others may dismiss or belittle. Ask it. I’ve seen entire rooms shift because one person finally asked the question everyone else was afraid to voice. Clarity is a quiet form of leadership. It doesn’t need a title.

Listen. Really listen. Most people aren’t heard nearly as often as they speak(let that sink in for a second). Listen with the intent to understand, not to reply (thank you, Covey). The difference is galactically important. If you find yourself halfway through somebody else’s sentence and you’re itching for them to stop talking or, worse yet, you interrupt, you’ve just “listened with the intent to reply”.

Don’t interrupt. I believe interrupting is one of the rudest things you can do. Interrupting signals to the other person that you don’t need their perspective, feedback, or information. You’ve already made up your mind or have what you need.

Understand what conflict is. Most conflicts aren’t battles. It’s two people afraid of disappointing each other. Once you see that, the tension softens.

Move your body. Stress needs somewhere to go. If you don’t give it an exit, it will find one you don’t like. Energy creates energy. I’m not sure physicists would agree with me on that, but I’ve found it to be true. Get moving.

Be unreasonable. I’ve tried being the reasonable one in unreasonable systems. It never fixed the system. It only drained me. Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is stop absorbing the dysfunction.

Celebrate small wins. They accumulate, provide more regular nourishment for your soul, and, ultimately, can become more important than big wins.

People don’t resist change. They resist feeling foolish. Make learning safe, for yourself and others, and you’ll be surprised how much becomes possible. Incremental changes are meaningful.

Stay curious. It’s the antidote to stagnation.

Be the calm person in the room. I’ve seen how one calm person can change the temperature of a room. Be that person when you can. And when you can’t, step outside until you can breathe again.

Protect your mornings. They set the tone for everything that follows.

My life didn’t change when I said yes to new opportunities. It changed when I finally said no to the things that were quietly draining me. Your “no” is often the turning point. Accept that “no” is an acceptable answer.

Laugh. It resets the nervous system faster than any meeting ever will. And, side-note, if you can’t laugh at yourself, you’re too damn serious.

Be yourself. The hardest rooms weren’t difficult because of the people. They were difficult because I was tempted to shrink. Staying yourself is a lifelong practice.

Take breaks. Your brain does some of its best work when you’re not working.

Recognize urgency for what it really is. Most “urgent” requests are just someone else’s anxiety due to bad planning. You don’t have to borrow it. In the Marine Corps, we had a saying: “Piss poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part”.

Be kind. People remember how you made them feel when they were unsure.

Capture what matters. Your future self will thank you.

Let go. Not everything deserves to be carried.

And trust me on taking notes.

And if this feels a little like Wear Sunscreen, that’s because it is. That piece reminded me that wisdom doesn’t need to be complicated. It just has to be honest, lived, and offered.

I don’t know if there is an official “Wear sunscreen” site, but you can see her entire article, which I highly recommend, here: https://ofwhiskeyandwords.com/wear-sunscreen-by-mary-schmich/